Marriage,  Stories

Rekindling the Flame: Especially for Wives

I don’t know about my fellow wives out there, but there are times when the “mundaneness” of married life gets to me. I sometimes take my husband for granted even when I know it’s not a good thing to let slide.

After 12 years of marriage, I still find myself thinking of ways to bring back the “kilig factor” in our relationship. And yes, if you’re thinking that that is the husband’s job alone, you’re wrong. Marriage is a “two-way street”, and we wives need to do our part in making it work. Just like what it says in a quote I saw on Pinterest:

“Love is a partnership of two unique people who bring out the very best in each other, and who know that even though they are wonderful as individuals, they are even better together.” – Barbara Cage

So what can we wives do to help rekindle the flame in our relationships with our husbands? Here are some tips from fellow wives who are journeying through the highs and lows of marriage with their respective spouses:

1. Use the element of surprise.
Ley Reinares Almeda, wife to JB, shares, “From time to time, I make a little effort to surprise him with or without occasion. On his birthday this year, I asked several people in different places to join in the surprise for him. They took photos of signs that went something like this: “JB, Ley’s love for you reaches here… (name of place).”
2. Be consistent.
Weena Contreras, who has been happily married to Noli for the past 10 years, shares one thing she does to keep the romance alive in their marriage.
“I used to hide sticky notes around the house for him to find, like in his sock/underwear drawer, inside the microwave, and other weird places,” she says. “It wasn’t consistent though, so he would often find the note long after I had hid it. So I started doing it every day until Valentine’s Day.”
Weena continued to hide these notes until her husband had to go to Doha for work. Talk about consistency!
3. Go on dates.

This is something we often hear but may find challenging to do: to go on regular dates with our spouses. (I know my husband and I struggle with this sometimes, especially since we don’t have a helper to look after our kids!)

But Anna Villegas, married to Jimmy for 16 years, says it’s really important to do so because it helps retain the kilig factor in their relationship.

“I make an effort to leave the kids (with some relatives) at least twice a month so we can go on our dates,” she shares. “It doesn’t have to be extravagant, but I insist we go to familiar places that we went to when we were still boyfriend and girlfriend. We always end up being nostalgic as we walk on familiar streets, or eat in some familiar restaurants, or just go to a church that we have been to before.”

Anna adds that she makes sure to “dress nicely” and look “pretty” when she and her husband go out. “Don’t let yourself go even if you already have kids and even if you’re already getting older,” she advises her fellow wives in Filipino.

On other occasions, Anna and Jimmy just stay home while their kids are with their relatives elsewhere. “We just enjoy our time together without the kids,” she says. And that still definitely counts as a “date”!

4. Remember the acronym P.A.L.S.

Grish Andes, who has been married to Elmer for nine years, also recommends going on regular dates with your spouse. She also suggests doing the following, which she personally applies in her own marriage:

Pray. Grish and Elmer always pray together.

Anniversaries. Make these special. Go on getaways. Give gifts. “I don’t buy gifts for him,” Grish shares. “I make them — cards, picture collages of our family, etc.”

Listen. “I make sure that I’m there to listen to him whatever he wants to talk,” Grish says.

Say “I love you.” Grish says she and her husband say “I love you” to each other several times every day. “Wala pa naman palya so far in our 17 years together. I also always text him that he’s pogi (handsome), and I can’t wait for him to get back home.”

These are just some of the ways we wives can keep the fire of love burning in our marriages. I’m sure you can think of more, or maybe even have your own experiences to share. What’s most important is to be consistent in doing these things, and beyond just doing them for their own sake, we do them out of love. Here’s to more years of wedded bliss for you and your hubbies!


Tina Santiago-Rodriguez

Tina is a Catholic wife and homeschooling mom by vocation, and a writer and editor by profession. She is also a resource speaker on different topics like homeschooling, intentional parenting, spiritual growth, and family life. As a self-proclaimed "media missionary," Tina leads #DiamondsAmongDiapers (an online and "in real life" support group for moms), and founded Liturgical Living Philippines to inspire Catholics to unite themselves to the liturgical life of the Church. You can connect with her via her blog or on Instagram @tinasrodriguez.

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