Marriage,  Stories

The Impossible: Getting your man to do something without nagging

Admittedly, it can get frustrating to endlessly remind your man to do certain things, without getting any response. Hence, you resort to the ultimate weapon of mass destruction – nagging. Unfortunately, it does just that, destroy everything in its path, including the relationship you carefully tried to nurture. Fortunately, there are some work-arounds to deliver your message to your man without going through this man-dreaded “N” word.

First, assume that he heard you the first time around that you said it. It may not always seem that way, but believe me when I say that men have the capacity to temporarily block off what they hear, especially when they are not yet ready to act on them. Somehow, the message just temporarily resides in their brains, ready to be accessed at the right point in time.

This brings me to the next point. Do not ask him to do anything when he is in his “man-zone”. This special time for himself can take various forms; watching a basketball game on TV, reading his favorite book, or just plainly staring into the horizon as a means to free his mind from the day’s worries. Even if the world were to end at that point it time, he will not realize it because he is “in his zone.”

Next, offer to do it with him. Your wishes and requests becomes a more enticing ‘chore’ for him when he has someone to do it with. Some things are more fun to do as a couple. However, also realize that there are some things which he will never do no matter how much he loves you. Top of mind is shopping with you for something that does not interest him in any way, especially when the whole world is in the same mall. Even if you coax him, reward him, or even threaten him, he is bound to say no. Realize these limitations of a man.

What is important is that you make him feel (rightfully or wrongfully) that the decision he made was his. Nagging does the opposite. He will never accept that decision as his because it was forced upon him in the first place.
Remember that underneath all these is the fact that you are partners first and foremost. When you see him not as your man-servant or even your “good for nothing” man, but instead see him as an equal, in spite of his imperfections, then you speak to him as a person of dignity. Then he is bound to listen.

Despite the busyness and routine of everyday life, it’s important to see that your mate is always looking for ways to please you and address your needs. At the end of the day, whatever gets done or gets bumped to tomorrow’s to-do list, your relationship should always be your top priority.

 

Aldy Katigbak

Aldy Katigbak is a dedicated father of four who takes pride in being the kind of man his daughters want for their future spouse. A mentor to his two sons, he coaches them on life, finances, and basketball. Aldy married his first girlfriend and they now serve together in the pro-life ministry of a covenanted Catholic community, actively promoting St. john Paul II's Theology of the Body.

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