I have a 28-year old son who wants to get married to someone he just met a month ago. My husband is okay with it but I don’t think it’s a wise decision. How do I deal with my husband? How do I deal with my son?
As our children grow and come of age, our role as parents change along with this growth. Our parenting during their younger years should have developed mutual trust and knowledge. Your son’s decision to marry someone he has only known for a month can also be a test of how well you know your son and his decision-making style. This is the application of what you and your husband have taught him all these years. We’ve all heard about couples who had known each other for a short time before tying the knot yet remained married till their golden years. But there are also stories of people who were engaged for years and years but separated just before saying “I do”. No one can really tell how a marriage will work out, whether the length of dating and courtship will determine the length and health of one’s marriage.
Now that your son has made a decision, the keys are to guide, to trust, and to respect. Share your own experiences as a couple and how you strengthened your relationship in the earlier years of your marriage. If you still have time, make the effort to share a meal with your soon-to-be daughter-in-law together with her family. It is never too late to reach out; the most important thing is for your son and his fiancée to feel assured that you respect their decision and you and your husband will be there to support them.
No matter how your son tries to explain it, nothing but prayer and discernment can convince you that he is making the right decision, especially for something as serious and permanent as the decision to enter into married life. Pray before reacting.
Understandably, you are anxious and fearful that he might not fully understand what he is getting into. No one ever realizes how big a deal getting married is until they actually get married! Many young people fear making this permanent commitment for so many reasons: financial stability, compatibility, and career goals. Most of the time, these things don’t match up, failing to translate to readiness for marriage. We’d like to believe that your son, on the other hand, has seen the vocation of marriage and is answering the call to give himself fully to another person.
How well do you know your son? At the end of the day, you can only guide him — meaning to remind him about what marriage really is. Mind you, “guiding” doesn’t mean trying to change his mind. Whether he has known the girl for one month or several years will not guarantee a good married life. It will depend on how they will seek God in their marriage, and see Christ in one another.
How well do you know your husband? It’s easy to understand his perspective if you know your husband’s heart. May you be one in your decision to support your son. May this become another beautiful journey within your own marriage, as much as it is for your son.